The Holiday Mental Load: Why Everything Feels Heavier Right Now
Hello, my fellow hardworking midlife mama.
Right now, if you're like me, you might be feeling something like: “Everything seems heavier than usual, and I don’t even know why.”
Or maybe I do know a few reasons why (take one look at the news and it might clue you in), but it just seems cliche to say I feel “overwhelmed” again.
Let’s be nice to ourselves for a minute, shall we?
Here’s the truth - your brain’s carrying more than it normally does (and maybe ever should, to be honest), and the quickly approaching holiday season is amplifying it. When that’s added on to the chaos of regular life plus the unpredictable landscape of the world, it gets to be a bit much…to say the least.
As I'm writing this mid-November, we’ve just put the pumpkins on the compost pile (or those pesky squirrels took care of them for us), which means the holiday décor is coming out in all the stores. holiday gift catalogs are filling your mailbox, and the “What are we doing for Christmas?” planning is already starting.
Yes, the festive lights and warm family traditions are lovely. I'm a sucker for white icicle lights and the warm glow they put on our house. I love burning a glorious pine scented candle to make my house feel cozy. But the downside? Thinking about and planning for these traditions also adds to your mental load.
Because while you’re already juggling a demanding career, getting through the literally never ending pile of laundry, driving kids to flag football and swimming lessons, trying to find time to connect with your partner, and then remembering that you also have to plan for the future (questions like what percent of my income am I supposed to be saving for retirement?!)… this season just cranks the volume up in a way that can sometimes feel a bit deafening.
The Invisible Labor Layer
The trickiness to mental load is that you’re not just doing tasks and thinking about things that can be checked off of a to-do list. You’re carrying most of them with you day in and day out. These might be:
Career responsibilities (projects, meetings, leadership, deadlines)
Domestic demands (meals, pickups, bills, renovations)
Emotional labor (listening, supporting, anticipating)
Future planning (vacations, dog boarding, college applications, retirement)
Holiday logistics (travel plans, gift lists, events, gatherings)
This isn't a short-term stressor. If you want to dig deeper into how invisible responsibilities build up, you may find . It’s a cognitive load that accumulates- minute by minute.
How Your Brain Office Staff Gets Overloaded
Let's take a minute and connect to our executive functioning. If you've been following my blog, you'll know that I use a brain office staff analogy to think about how our brain's executive functioning could be compared to likely characters we might meet in an office or corporate environment.
If we think about our "staff," Patricia (your brain’s CEO) sees all the roles and stakes. She’s trying to plan the big picture. Penelope (your Project Manager) is trying to break things down into tomorrow’s steps.
When everything threatens to feel urgent, both of them go into overdrive. That means you feel scattered, behind, or like you’re dropping balls you normally catch. If this feels familiar, you might also resonate with my Brain Fog Blog where I talk about why your mind feels scattered.
Why This Moment Feels Especially Heavy
The holidays bring anticipation + responsibility + comparison (which we all know is the thief of joy!).
Midlife moments bring reflection (“Am I saving enough?”) + caregiving transitions.
The working-mom brain already holds multiple future timelines and expectations.
Add today’s layer of event planning + emotional labor + social pressure… and you’re holding triple-load than usual.
Mini Checklist: Lighten the Load This Week
Before we jump into strategies, if you’re feeling drained or on the brink of emotional exhaustion, my blog post about depleted mom syndrome, covers early signs of burnout you may be missing.
Here are three meaningful shifts you can make before the holiday chaos fully lands:
1. Pick Today’s One Priority. Remember Penelope your brain’s Project Manager’s rule: Pick 1-2 non-negotiable tasks today. Not 5-10. Everything else becomes “nice-to-do” and it feels great if you get to them. For me, today that is writing and posting this blog post and attending a workshop this afternoon. If I get to more, great. But these two tasks are doable and something that will give me satisfaction when completed.
2. Create a Boundary Ritual. At the end of your workday (especially if you work at home), close the laptop, turn off your lamp, step outside, walk your dog or move your body in some gentle way. Signal to your nervous system: Work is done. Home begins. Different stressors present, but we have to use clear boundaries between work and home or the merging of the two worlds just creates more mental load.
3. Brain Dump Tonight. Give Patricia a whiteboard. Tonight, write everything you’re carrying (work + home + holiday) onto paper. Free your brain from holding it all. You're writing it down to dump all of those swirling thoughts so you can rest, so don't think of this as something you need to make usable the next day.
So Remember…
Ladies, please know that you’re not failing. It seems like everyone is saying this lately, but I really mean it. You’re simply carrying more than one brain is built to hold.
Rather than trying harder, try smarter - using your brain’s real strategy team (Penelope) to do less but better.
And if the holidays come with one extra thing this year, let's try to make it be that we actually are present enough to enjoy it this year.
If you’d like more support before it all ramps up, join my newsletter for gentle strategies (and maybe a cuddly picture of Hazel the rescue pup if you’re lucky 🐾). Because you deserve more than “just coping.” Girl, you deserve to thrive.
While Dr. Liz is a licensed psychologist, the information provided by Empowered Focus, LLC is intended solely for educational and informational purposes. Services offered and any materials provided by Empowered Focus, LLC are NOT a substitute for mental health therapy and do NOT establish a psychologist-patient relationship. Individuals seeking mental health therapy or clinical support should contact a qualified mental health professional in their area. A helpful directory for locating licensed providers in your area can be found at Psychology Today.