Parental Burnout in Midlife: Why It Can Hit Hard for High-Achieving Working Moms
If you’ve ever found yourself staring at your computer, unable to remember the task you just opened, or feeling unreasonably annoyed at a tiny inconvenience, you might be dealing with more than “just being tired.”
Many midlife moms (especially high-achieving working moms) are quietly experiencing parental burnout. Informally, this has been referred to as Depleted Mother Syndrome (DMS), a pretty accurate way to describe a scenario that many mothers find themselves in.
Let’s be clear: this is not an official medical or clinical diagnosis. Depleted Mother Syndrome is a phrase often used on social media to describe a set of feelings many mothers recognize: running on fumes, emotionally drained, and feeling like the joy has been squeezed out of daily life. Clinical term or not, the name and description ring true for most of us at some point in our parenting journey.
Some midlife moms still have little ones at home. At the time of this post, I have a 6- and 12-year-old, while I know women just a few years older who are already grandparents. It’s a wide range. So I’m in the middle of both worlds- raising a little kid and an almost teen. For midlife women with teens, adult children still living at home, or kids in college, the combination of invisible parenting demands and work responsibilities can create a unique form of burnout. It’s often less obvious than the exhaustion of raising young children (though, full disclosure, I’m finishing this post before heading to soccer practice—so my overwhelm is pretty visible right now!).
You might be wondering though- what actually is burnout? Who defines this kind of thing?
What the WHO Has To Say About Workplace Burnout
The World Health Organization (WHO) defines burnout as an occupational phenomenon (not a medical condition) linked to chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. Burnout has three components:
Energy depletion or exhaustion
Increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativity or cynicism
Reduced professional efficacy
You can read the full WHO definition here.
When you layer parenting and household management (especially the invisible parts) on top of workplace stressors, burnout can morph into something that feels much bigger than “work stress” for midlife working moms.
Adding Parental Burnout: What the APA Says
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), parental burnout is a multi-stage syndrome marked by:
Exhaustion in one’s parental role
Emotional distancing from children
Feelings of being fed up with parenting
A painful contrast with one’s former parenting self
These stages align with Depleted Mother Syndrome—especially for high-achieving moms balancing careers, older kids, and the invisible mental load. Unlike workplace burnout, parents can’t simply walk away or take a vacation. Many feel trapped in their roles, leading to shame, guilt, and even thoughts of escape American Psychological Association.
This echoes the WHO definition of burnout, but parenting doesn't come with breaks or boundaries. For midlife moms, the emotional load is ever-present and often unseen. The result? Many moms are burned out at work and at home, with no true place to recover.
The Midlife Mom Twist
Mothers of infants face constant physical demands. But in midlife, the demands are often less visible and more mental. Arguably though, in some ways these demands can feel more exhausting.
If you have teens, tweens, or adult children, you might find yourself worrying about things like:
Is my child driving safely?
Did my child do ok on finals?
Is my child really learning to manage money, life, and responsibilities to prepare them for the future?
Am I acting as the “emotional shock absorber” for family dynamics?
For a midlife woman working full time but with an adult child at home, you’re often juggling a demanding career while providing emotional, logistical, or financial support for older kids—sometimes well into their twenties (or longer if your child is having challenges launching into independent life).
High-achieving working moms often face higher expectations at work than ever before, with relentless pressure to perform in both professional and parental roles. This mix of invisible mental load, career pressure, and personal responsibility can drain even the most organized and resilient women, making Depleted Mother Syndrome a real and relatable experience.
The Cleveland Clinic describes the exhaustion as “physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion from the constant demands of parenting,” a description that rings especially true for midlife mothers
The Executive Function Link
When you’re running low on energy and high on stress, executive function skills—like planning, prioritizing, focusing, and emotional regulation—take a serious hit. I’ve written before about how high-achieving midlife moms can feel overwhelmed, and the link between chronic overload and reduced executive function is real.
APA’s Evidence-Based Recovery Tips—Through a DMS Lens
APA experts offer practical advice that aligns beautifully with the strategies that helped me step back from burnout:
Talk about it: Sharing your experience in a shame-free space can ease the isolation of feeling that this is just a “you” problem. Find a trusted friend or in some cases, a professional, to talk about how the chronic stress of balancing work and family is impacting you.
Reframe your perspective: View stress as a challenge, not a threat. Rather, it’s an opportunity to make positive change that is fueled by your circumstances. Just as the stressors of raising small children passed, recognize that this parenting phase is also temporary and dynamic.
Make small, manageable changes: Adjust what you can and that you have control over, such as assigning more chores to your older children or simplifying schedules to create more space and time to pause rather than “go go go.” If you want ideas for small changes, check out my blog post with 10 ideas for a reset that you can do any time of year.
Strengthen your skills: Consider learning new strategies and skills to manage your overwhelm. This can boost confidence and reduce stress, plus if done with a group, could be a great opportunity to meet other women in the same boat. Be sure to sign up for my newsletter or contact me to find out when my online course with a community for midlife women struggling with executive functioning launches.
Ditch “should” thinking: Oh, perfectionism, you always show up and wreak havoc! Swap perfectionistic “shoulds” for compassionate reframing to kinder versions of self-talk. As I tell my clients, “should” is the other “Sh” word. Keep a close eye on that pattern in your thinking.
Take “mini” breaks: Even five-minute pauses, like stepping outside taking 10 deep breaths, give your nervous system a reset. For more creative ideas, stay in the know about my new podcast, Weeknight Chaos, where a fellow midlife mom and I find ways to have creative mini breaks throughout the week to find calm and foster creativity. Stay in the know about our episodes when you sign up for my newsletter on my Empowered Focus homepage.
Reconnect with meaning: Take a minute and travel back in time to why you went down this wild and wonderful parenting journey. Remember why you parent in the first place and reconnect with what's meaningful about it.
What Helped Me Step Back from the Edge of Parent Burnout
Even though my kids aren’t adults yet, I’ve been to that edge (and helped my clients too) of feeling like it’s all just too much. I know what it feels like to be one more “urgent” request away from snapping. The good news? You can recover your energy, clarity, and enjoyment of life without quitting your job or running away.
Here’s what I recommend, based on what really works for me:
Take mini-breaks throughout the day. Even five minutes to stretch, step outside, or breathe can reset your brain.
Carve out time for a true break. We are not talking about finally sitting down at 10pm to fold laundry. Check out my recent story of taking a solo trip and the impact it had on my nervous system and well being.
Set healthy boundaries. Learn to say “no” to requests that don’t serve your priorities.I know it’s hard (especially for my people pleasers out there), but you have to do this.
Surround yourself with supportive people. Spend time with people who make you feel good and with whom you feel safe being imperfect.
Keep moving your body. A daily walk or gentle movement is more than fine- it's powerful real self-care. Find something you enjoy and it won’t feel like a chore (I personally LOVE my weekly spin class).
Fuel yourself well, but skip the perfectionism. Balanced, moderate eating wins over extremes every time. My grandma always said “everything in moderation” and the woman lived to be 93, so let’s listen to our elders.
Let go of the idea of being perfect. Is there a theme here? Might this ring true for me? Just do it already- honestly no one cares that it’s perfect because literally everything can be improved.
Check in with your PCP Remember I’m not a medical professional, so if you feel really depleted and it seems unusual for you, check in with your doctor.
Here’s the bottom line ladies: Depleted Mother Syndrome may not be a formal diagnosis, but the experience is very real. For midlife moms balancing demanding careers and invisible mental load (especially those with older or adult children) it can feel all-consuming. But positive change is entirely possible. By recognizing the signs, reaching out, reframing your mindset, and taking micro-steps toward self-care, you can reclaim energy, joy, and a sense of balance.
…And as always, I’m here if you’re ready to take time to dive into how your brain works and regain that strength and energy through learning skills to support your executive functioning. Reach out today to learn more about how I can help.
Disclaimer: While Dr. Liz is a licensed psychologist, the information provided herein is intended solely for educational purposes. Services offered by Empowered Focus, LLC are not to be considered a substitute for mental health therapy. Individuals requiring mental health therapy are advised to seek support from a qualified mental health provider in their respective localities. A valuable resource for locating such providers isPsychology Today.