take a Break before you break: reflections on how i reset my nervous system with my solo trip
I didn’t realize how close I was to a breaking point until I was already snapping.
My patience was thin, my words were sharper than usual, and I didn’t recognize myself as a parent or a partner. No one would have noticed the difference if they observed me at work, but my personal life was becoming more and more misaligned with my values.
I felt brittle—like if one more thing was added to my plate, I’d crack wide open.
So I took a break.
Not a fake break. Not a scroll-on-my-phone break. Not a quick errand to my favorite big box store that I pretended was “me time.” A real break. Two and a half days in a nearby city, by myself, staying in a cozy apartment near the lake. I took a legit solo mom getaway to clear my mind and step away from my never ending to-do list for a few days.
Maybe you’re asking: is solo travel good for your mental health?
Oh my goodness, yes!
I had no idea the positive impact this solo trip could have on my nervous system.
And I am not just saying that because I’m a psychologist and coach. We need to start normalizing the idea of taking real breaks because they are so far from selfish. They are legitimately essential for our mental health as working women. We were not made to go continuously without breaks!
This blog post is part reflection, part encouragement. If you’re a high-achieving woman running on empty—especially if you’re a working mom who feels like there’s never a right time to pause—I want you to know: you’re allowed to take a real break. And not only just “allowed”- we need to start to encourage breaks because taking them is NORMAL and something that we should be encouraging each other to do regularly. In this case, this was my first trip on my own in over 5 years. That shouldn’t be acceptable.
Even if it feels scary. Even if you feel guilty. Even if it costs more than you think you “should” spend.
Let me tell you what happened when I finally gave myself permission to rest.
Recognizing the Signs of Burnout: “I Wasn’t Acting Like Myself”
About a month ago, I started to notice that my reactions were not lining up with the situation. I was quick to anger. I snapped at my kids. I was irritable with my spouse. I was losing access to the parts of myself I truly like.
And that’s often the sign, isn’t it? Not just the physical exhaustion or the mental clutter, but the emotional displacement—when you no longer feel like yourself in your own life.
I kept thinking, This isn’t me. And yet it was. Because this version of me had been operating without a true pause for far too long.
The Guilt and anxiety That Shows Up When You Try to Rest
So I planned a solo trip. Just two nights. A nearby city, a lovely neighborhood, a cozy apartment near the lake. I booked the train, found a few local spots I wanted to visit, and made loose plans to see an old friend.
But as the departure day crept closer, the guilt arrived, uninvited as always.
You shouldn’t spend this money- we should be saving for (…retirement, a family vacation, etc.).
You don’t deserve this kind of break- you’re fine!
You’re being selfish—what if the kids need you?
Sound familiar?
And then there was fear too: I hadn’t traveled alone in years. Not since I stopped routine work travel over 8 years ago. The thought of leaving my daily life and stepping away from my responsibilities—even just for 48 hours—felt daunting. What if I didn’t know where to park at the train station? What if I stood on the wrong side of the tracks to board? What if I got there and the place was actually a dump that was just marketed well online?
The “what ifs” were having a field day (hello, my friend anxiety), but I wasn’t listening this time.
I went anyway.
What a Real Break Feels Like (and Why It Matters)
As I recorded this reflection on the drive home from the train station (don’t worry- I used a voice note- safety first!), I realized that I felt more truly myself than I have in months.
Here’s what I actually did:
✔️ I only used my laptop on the train ride to finish some continuing ed credits. I did not open it beyond that.
✔️ I let myself sleep in. Deep, uninterrupted, full nights of sleep. I woke with the sun.
✔️ I went to a local bookstore and read a cheesy romance novel.
✔️ I ate meals slowly (and remarkably realized that my normal stomach troubles stayed away)
✔️ I walked by the lake at night with a dear friend and watched fireworks unexpectedly light up the sky.
✔️ I shopped at a thrift store and bought jewelry that delighted me.
✔️ I skipped my workouts and watched trashy reality TV with no guilt whatsoever.
✔️ I got a massage.
✔️ I did not make a single decision for anyone else.
What mattered wasn’t the specific activities—it was the absence of obligation and responsibility. For 2.5 days, I didn’t have to be the parent, the business owner, the coach, the planner, the scheduler, the everything-for-everyone. I just got to be me.
Spending the Money Was Worth It
Could I have found a cheaper hotel? Sure. Could I have driven instead of taking the train? Probably. Did I need to buy two pairs of shoes? Definitely not, but they felt amazing. The point of this trip wasn’t frugality. It was choosing ease. Choosing rest. Choosing improving my mental health.
I picked a place with a rooftop hot tub. I let someone else handle the transportation. I chose convenience on purpose, because I didn’t want to white-knuckle my way into relaxation.
And yes, I recognize that this ability to take a solo trip is a privilege. I have a supportive partner. I have financial resources. I had a dear friend I could visit and a community that could carry the weight while I was gone.
But I believe every one of us deserves some version of this. Your reset might not look like mine—but it should still be yours and involve whatever it takes to truly reset your nervous system.
If You’ve Been Taking “Fake Breaks,” This Is Your Sign
During my trashy reality TV watching, this ad came on and I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants (yay, midlife mama over here!). It’s a parody of a seminar to learn the difference between fun and work. The reason it was so funny is because it rang so true for me.
So…
if you’ve been trying to rest by scrolling on your phone while you wait for gymnastics to end…
if your only alone time is in the car on your way home from work…
if you keep saying you just need one weekend to yourself but it never happens…
This is your sign.
Take the break.
I’m going to say that one more time.
TAKE THE BREAK.
Whatever version of it you can afford. Whatever version fits your life right now.
Maybe it’s:
An afternoon off with no errands allowed
A solo trip to a library, café, or bookstore
A full day off from caregiving duties
A staycation in a nearby hotel
A flight to a new city where you’re just you for a bit
Let go of the guilt. Let go of the productivity obsession. Give your nervous system a true pause—not just a numbing distraction. A real, nervous-system-reset kind of break.
Side note, on my trip to the local bookstore, I picked up a copy of Saving Time: Discovering a Life Beyond the Clock by Jenny Odell. Look for a book review soon when I finish it. I can’t wait to hear her perspectives on our culture of endless productivity.
You’ll Come Back to the Same Life—but with New Clarity
Now let me be clear: this didn’t fix everything for me and it won’t for you either.
Your inbox will still be full when you return.
The same chores and responsibilities will be waiting for you (perhaps even more because you stepped away for a bit).
The same arguments may pop up again (especially if they are about things like finances, schedules, etc. because a break will not fix a system).
But you might meet those things differently. With more patience. More flexibility. More of the “you” that’s been buried under the overwhelm.
Remember: You deserve to rest without guilt
I want this for you. I want you to be able to wander through a bookstore holding a hot coffee, thinking about nothing but what you want to read. I want you to sleep in. To skip the gym. To eat something wonderful and slow. To feel what it’s like to have no one needing anything from you for just a little while.
You don’t have to earn it. You don’t have to justify it.
Because you deserve a break.
Because your nervous system is not built to run on empty.
Because when you truly rest, everyone benefits—including you.
My personal take away from this experience for next time is to schedule this before I am hitting the breaking point (thanks for this reminder from my amazing business coach, Katy Ripp). So I will be exploring my next solo trip this week- hopefully to start enjoying on a quarterly basis. I encourage you to do the same because YOU ARE WORTH IT.
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Disclaimer: While Dr. Liz is a licensed psychologist, the information provided herein is intended solely for educational purposes. Services offered by Empowered Focus, LLC are not to be considered a substitute for mental health therapy. Individuals requiring mental health therapy are advised to seek support from a qualified mental health provider in their respective localities. A valuable resource for locating such providers is Psychology Today.