Stuck in the Sandwich: How Working Moms Can Prevent Burnout and Reclaim Their Identities
If you're a working mom feeling pulled in every direction—caring for young children, supporting aging parents, maintaining your own friend and romantic relationships, and building your career—it may feel that you’re being pushed from all sides like the peanut butter in a sandwich.
It’s actually that you're likely part of what’s known as the sandwich generation. And while a sandwich might sound delicious, living in one can leave you feeling chronically spread too thin.
You may remember a time when your mornings started with yoga, when you had the space to try a new recipe or dive into a creative hobby just for the fun of it. Today’s reality? Your day is packed with tasks, deadlines, caretaking, and trying to “do it all.” Somewhere along the way, your identity started slipping away, replaced by a list of roles: Mom. Partner. Professional. Caregiver.
You’re not alone. And you’re not doing anything wrong. A hectic life fulfilling all of these roles, although very fulfilling at times, can be extremely challenging and demanding.
What Is the Sandwich Generation?
The "sandwich generation" refers to adults—often women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s—who are caring for both their children and their aging parents, all while juggling careers and other demands on their attention (like relationships and marriages). Coined by Dorothy Miller in 1981, the term refers to this stage of life that comes with deep responsibility, but also deep emotional fatigue.
When I learned about this term a few years ago, it really resonated with me because I feel that it is just a perfect way to describe the feeling of being part of this generation. The roles of both parent and adult child come with so many opportunities for joy and happiness, but they also are often so consuming that there is little (if anything) left at the end of the day to devote to your own interests.
When every part of your day is devoted to meeting others’ needs, your own needs and interests can feel like they are disappearing. You might start to feel that you can’t even remember who you used to be before you took on all of these roles (some by choice, and some perhaps chosen for you).
Burnout Isn’t Just about Exhaustion—IT can feel like Identity Loss
Burnout isn't just about being tired (although, yes, of course we’re generally always tired). It's about feeling like you're constantly running without ever feeling “done.”
Over time, the roles you play—while important—may feel that they have become your whole identity. You become the glue holding everyone else’s life together. And even if you absolutely love all of those roles, you might still be wondering what happened to “you” along the way.
I had a client once who felt this immensely when her children all finally moved away from home. She realized that she couldn’t remember how she used to spend her time before she was pulled in 20 different directions at once as a mom and thriving professional. It took some focus to remember how to take little steps toward spending her time in ways that felt satisfying to her in her new role- still as a mom, but one who could take the backseat rather than the drivers seat (or maybe I should clarify- carpool/chauffeur’s seat).
Ask Yourself: Who Do You Want to Be at your core?
One of the most powerful ways to prevent burnout is to reconnect with yourself—the version of you that existed before you were spread so thin.
You might consider:
Who do I want to be 20 years from now?
What do I want to remember about this period of my life?
Am I proud of how I’m living—or just proud of what I’m accomplishing?
You don’t need to turn your life upside down to answer these questions. But even asking them begins to shift your mindset from survival mode into intentional living.
Find Tiny Moments of Alignment With your True self
Let’s be real: Perfect work-life balance is a myth. It’s really about trying to find harmony between your different roles and being flexible to adjust with the changing demands on your time and energy.
It’s not about doing everything perfectly either. It’s about spreading the filling on the sandwich evenly, so you don’t end up with all the jelly in one bite (and just peanut butter in the next).
Here are a few ideas for what those tiny moments of alignment with yourself could look like:
10 minutes of sketching what you see out the window while the kids are occupied by something else (no judgement if that “something else” is a screen)
Listening to your favorite music or a podcast about a personal interest (preferably not work related) while folding laundry
Choosing to journal for a few minutes instead of scrolling on your phone after putting the kids to bed (resist the dopamine hit- scrolling generally leaves you feeling empty, but that’s for another post)
Reconnecting with a hobby or starting a new one—not for productivity, but just for pleasure. For example, I just took up bass guitar with a goal of practicing 5 minutes per day. Just for fun- joining a band is likely not in the cards…
Remember that a couple of minutes is good enough. You don’t need hours- you just need to pause to find a moment when you can find some part of yourself again that is just for you.
You Are More Than the Roles You Fill
Yes, we love sandwiches here at Empowered Focus. They’re comforting and delicious. But they work best when the ingredients are balanced—when each piece adds something meaningful to the whole.
You can think about your life in the same way.
Being a mom, a caregiver, a professional—these are all beautiful parts of you. But they are not all of you. They are some of the important roles that you fulfill.
You deserve space to breathe, to create, to remember the person you were before you were stretched so thin. And the person that you still want to be.
Want Support in Blasting through burnout and Reclaiming Your Identity?
At Empowered Focus, we help working moms in the sandwich generation prevent burnout and find clarity, creativity, and joy again. If you’re ready to take one small step with some non-judgmental support, let’s talk.
Contact us today to find out how we can help.
Disclaimer: While Dr. Liz is a licensed psychologist, the information provided herein is intended solely for educational purposes. Services offered by Empowered Focus, LLC are not to be considered a substitute for mental health therapy. Individuals requiring mental health therapy are advised to seek support from a qualified mental health provider in their respective localities. A valuable resource for locating such providers is Psychology Today.